Reparenting My Inner Child as a New Mother

With the help of therapy, I have been exploring the idea of reparenting my inner child. We all have an inner child who has experienced trauma in life, which can resurface when we become adults.

Reparenting is not meant to replace your parents and how you were brought up, but rather, work with what you've got and start with healing from your past experiences and moving forward.

Mental load of motherhood

Motherhood has uncovered some past experiences that I believe have attributed to my postpartum depression. Some are easily named, like not feeling like a good enough mom, self-deprecation, and the immense pressure of raising good humans (who are compassionate and kind, while breaking generational patterns of discipline). Others are harder to name, or I am just not ready to talk about them.

The mental load itself of motherhood can be so overwhelming. It is very easy to catastrophize or think of the worst possible scenario and just let it ruminate or stew. On this journey of reparenting my inner child, I have learned a few things that I hope will be helpful for you too.

4 ways I've reparented my inner child during postpartum

1. Connecting with my emotions and self-regulating

Naming the emotion out loud. Much like when my toddler is having a tantrum, helping them identify how he feels. While he is still young, practicing ways to self-regulate and modeling these have helped him and me grow together. If we can teach that to our children, why shouldn't we do that ourselves? With our inner child?

2. Giving myself grace and being patient in the process

I often think about the amount of patience I have when teaching my kids, a new skill like eating on their own. Even if it is the same skill over and over. Even if your rug is permanently stained with avocados and blueberries. We give them grace and we have patience while they learn. If we can do that with our kids, mistakes and all, why shouldn’t we do that with our inner child?

3. Remembering the 3 Ps

I saw this on an Instagram post a while ago. As mothers (primary caregivers), we can only have one of the 3 Ps – peace, presence, or productivity – with our kids and family. If we are present, there might not be peace and we probably won't be productive, and so on. If we apply that to our kids, why shouldn't we do that with our inner child?

4. Asking for the help I need

When young children can't talk yet, we tend to have a running list of items they may potentially want/need, and we run through that list every time they cry or attempt to use their words. We just hand them all kinds of things, water, and snacks, check their diaper, or try to give them their favorite toy. Often, we guess right the first time and other times, it is pure chaos until we finally get it. I have found myself saying "use your words" more than I would like to admit. People will often offer you what they think is helpful rather than what you find helpful. If we can help our kids find the right words, why shouldn't we do that with our inner child?

There are good days and bad days

I am aware that all of this is much easier said than done. I am also aware that thinking positively all the time can be pretty draining, and truthfully, it's annoying and unrealistic. If we always only thought about the best-case scenario, we would have our expectations shattered, often. It's taken months to get to this place for me. Some days are better, some are harder than others.

I like to practice with emotions that I can easily handle and scenarios that have turned out okay in the past. That has allowed me to be better equipped when dealing with worst case scenario moments, and then I work back to other, usually more likely, potential scenarios.

Being gentle with our postpartum selves

Let your inner child connect with how you are feeling and have the opportunity to name the emotion while finding ways to self-regulate. Let your inner child practice new/old skills. Have patience and grace with your inner child. Let your inner child have peace, presence, or productivity with yourself. Let your inner child ask for whatever it needs. I think they might thank you.