Postpartum Depression, Stress, and the Effect on Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding can be hard, but add to that the diagnosis of postpartum depression (PPD) and you might end up having a harder time managing it. There are so many outside aspects of life that can affect how breastfeeding can go that it didn't surprise me when my PPD started to affect it.

Stress and breastfeeding

PPD can cause stress and stress can in turn affect your milk supply. And if your milk supply drops, this can cause frustration for your infant, which can then cause frustration for you as the two of you struggle to make this work. My first time trying to breastfeed I dealt with this cycle.

I didn't know at the time I had PPD, but looking back, I can say that I did. It was my first child and I was only 21 and I knew nothing about parenting, let alone breastfeeding, and I struggled so hard to figure it out. Plus the stress of life in general, my supply quickly tanked and I wasn't able to continue.

Struggling with milk supply

The PPD can also cause you to lose out on the special bonding that a mother and child can have because of breastfeeding. You might feel apathetic about the whole thing, you might feel like you're only breastfeeding because you have to, or you might just feel like you're some sort of milk cow – only good enough for the milk you provide.

You might feel inadequate because you're struggling to breastfeed because you might have thought it would just come naturally. These feelings of inadequacy can lead back to feeling stressed, which can circle back to struggling with supply.

Feeling emotional with postpartum depression

Having PPD might cause you to become more easily overstimulated and overwhelmed, which can then lead to more feelings of stress, inadequacy, and apathy. Often, with my middle 2 children, I would feel "touched out." Like I didn't want another human being to so much as look at me as touch me because my child has been attached to my nipples all day long.

Just as PPD can make breastfeeding hard, breastfeeding can cause your mental health to decline as well. I dealt with feelings of isolation, apathy, exhaustion, overwhelm, and inadequacy while breastfeeding and it led to feeling even more depressed that I already was.

Isolated and overwhelmed

Often you'll feel like you're the only one that can feed the baby, and a lot of times you'll separate yourself from a group to feed rather than just pop a boob out in the middle of a group. This can lead to feeling isolated from friends and family. Feeling alone is never a good feeling when you're dealing with PPD. You feel like you can't reach out to anyone for help.

Breastfeeding can sometimes feel overwhelming because it feels like you're the only one that can do anything for the baby. Your baby may only feel comforted by the nipple, and there are times when you have other things to do or handle and suddenly you have to stop and nurse your child again. Dishes stack up quickly and laundry multiplies when you're not looking. Before you know it, you're in the midst of a meltdown because you can’t keep up with everyone and everything.

Am I a bad mom?

Because of this, you might then feel inadequate, and these feelings may lead you down the path of feeling like you're not good enough, and the next thing you know, you're having another breakdown over other intrusive thoughts.

These feelings may be compounded if you are struggling with being able to breastfeed, and realizing that it isn't a skill that just naturally comes once the baby is here can be a harsh reality.

But sometimes breastfeeding goes well

While breastfeeding can sometimes have a negative affect on PPD, it can also be a positive influence on PPD as well. For some moms, it can mentally be a good thing to breastfeed. If you are one of the lucky ones who manage to breastfeed successfully, it can feel like quite an accomplishment.

You may also be able to feel that close bond with your baby that you can only get by breastfeeding, especially if you do much of the skin-on-skin contact with your baby. All these things can help release the happy hormone, dopamine, into your system and it can help elevate your mood considerably every time you feed your baby.

It was different for each of my babies

Having given birth to 5 kids, I've felt the full spectrum of the above when it comes to breastfeeding. I was unsuccessful with my first and felt devastated and like a failure, which made my PPD worse.

But then I was able to breastfeed my second born with no issues. In fact, I suffered from over supply, and being able to breastfeed him helped with my depression and allowed me to bond with that child in a way that I struggled with the first.

With my third, I was able to breastfeed, but my PPD was very present. I often felt isolated and overwhelmed. I was the only one who could feed him and he refused every bottle we tried. He wouldn't take a pacifier, so I was also his only comfort a lot of the time. So it often felt like a dreaded task that time around.

We can only do so much

Then when my twins were born, we tried combo feeding where we did formula and breast. Ultimately, we decided not to continue with breastfeeding because we didn’t want to risk my precarious mental health with not only one but two infants needing me simultaneously and feeling like I couldn't juggle both on the breast. Because let's face it, sometimes it takes more than one hand to breastfeed and this momma is no octopus.

Stress, breastfeeding, and postpartum depression

Don't feel like you're alone if you struggle with any bit of what I talked about above. Breastfeeding is hard and in combination with postpartum depression things can be even harder. It's OKAY.

It's also okay if breastfeeding is working and making you feel good. Don't feel guilt over that. Also, if you chose to bottle feed because it would be the better choice for your mental health, then good on you for advocating for yourself.

PPD and breastfeeding can create a wide spectrum of feelings and it's okay to feel any or all of them. You're doing the best job you can and that's what matters the most.