Being the World’s Okayest Mom

When the demon postpartum depression has its claws in me it likes to whisper all sorts of lies into my ears. One of the worst things postpartum depression likes to tell me is that I'm a terrible mother.

Postpartum depression and self-esteem

I'll begin to think of all the things that I could be doing "better" as a mother. I'll think about all the things that I seem to be unable to manage to do with my children. I don't do cute crafts or projects, I don't do a lot of interactive play, nor do I have them dressed to the nines every day.

PPD delights in making me feel bad about these things. It continues to whisper its doubts into my brain, and I'll spiral downward until I'm left feeling like an unfit mother.

The social media comparison game

If you're anything like me you follow a lot of family, friends, and acquaintances on social media. It's fun to be able to keep up and stay with people you may not otherwise get to see often. Under normal circumstances it's enjoyable to watch the antics of friends' kids. But when the PPD demon has its grip on me I find myself playing the comparison game.

Susie Homemaker has a 3-course meal served every night and talks about how much she loves spending all her time with her kids. Or Ms. Working Mom seems to have found the perfect work/life balance that's needed so she can still be with her kids and still work. So-and-so's house is spotless all the time. This mom over here has all the energy in the world to play with her kids, get the housework done, and still be able to stay up past the kids' bedtime to spend time with her spouse.

Postpartum depression whispers failure in my ear...

Postpartum depression will whisper to me that I can't reach the bar of being a good mom. let alone be anything like the other moms. PPD tells me that because I can't do more than I already am, that I'm a failure as a mother.

I will struggle to sleep at night because the hamster running the wheel in my brain just won't stop finding all the ways I fail as a mom.

World's okayest mom is the best I got

I've come to terms recently with myself about being the perfect mother. I will never win the award for the world's greatest mom. You know what, though? I will be just fine with being the world's okayest mom. You know why? Because despite what the demon PPD is whispering, I'm doing best I freaking can.

My life is chaos fueled by caffeine since I have 5 kids and a husband who is gone 5 days a week for work. I'm doing everything I can to keep things going as smoothly as possible. My kids might not have a super engaged, always-on-top-of-them mom, but they have a mom who does everything possible to make sure they are okay mentally and physically.

And ya know, "okay" isn't so bad?

All 5 kids are generally happy and are healthy. The older kids have learned the skills they need thrive and the younger ones are working on learning them. That wouldn't be happening if I were a failure as a mother. The kids wouldn't be the people they are becoming if I'd been a terrible mom.

I'm watching my oldest two (15 and 16 years old) become the people they are going to be for the rest of their lives and I'm so stinking proud of them and myself. We survived some of the hardest years of my life together and they are thriving. I love listening to them talk about their life plans and I feel good knowing that I'm a part of what made them into who they are.

You'll get there, too

For moms who are in the thick of it with infants/toddlers/young kids know that eventually you’ll have a moment like I express above. Being caught up in the mess of surviving doesn't always allow us to realize that we're doing good but give yourself some grace and know there will be a day that you see all that you’ve done come to fruition.

When postpartum depression really tries to get me down, I look at my older kiddos and see how well they are doing and realize that I'm doing okay as a mother. I also go through all the needs of my children and reassure myself that all their needs are being met and that even some of their wants are met, too.

Be kind to yourself as a mom with PPD

We tend to get so wrapped up in what everyone else is doing that we forget that we only see a small perfect snippet of what theirs are like on social media. We don't know what else may be going on in the lives we watch on social media. They may be going through the same secret struggles that we are.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to other mothers and instead start boosting ourselves and others. Hype up the moms in your life. Tell them what a good job they are doing. Because just like us, they may be eaten up by the demon PPD and in that moment they just need to hear that they haven't failed at their most essential job.

You're doing great

As said by Mum from Bluey, "We all fail mum school sometimes. But that's okay. We can try again tomorrow."

You are a good mother, and you are doing a great job raising your children, no matter what the PPD demon might be whispering in your ear at this moment. It's great to be the world's okayest mom.