Finding Your Way Through Postpartum Blues Without Mom

As a first-time mother, I was excited as my due date approached. I had spent countless hours pouring over books and attending parenting classes, envisioning all the magical moments I would share with my precious bundle of joy. However, as fate would have it, my journey into motherhood was not without its fair share of twists and turns.

Weathering childhood with an absent mom

Growing up, my mother was in and out of my life due to her ongoing battle with alcohol and drug use. Her neglectful behavior ultimately led to her mother being awarded guardianship over me and my siblings. As a result, by law, she was not allowed to be around us while we were growing up. It was a tumultuous time, to say the least.

As I grew into adulthood, I yearned for my mother's presence in my life more than ever. I hoped that, with time, she would change her ways and become the doting grandparent that my heart so desperately craved. After all, I was under so much pressure to produce a grandchild since I was 18.

The pain of unfulfilled expectations

However, when I finally gave birth to my son in November 2018, my hopes were quickly dashed. Despite having seen how involved my mother was with my siblings' children, she had only visited my home twice to see my son. It was a painful realization that she did not want to be around, even though I had spent so much time and energy hoping for her presence in our lives.

In the end, I knew that I had to make a difficult choice to protect myself and my son. Therapy confirmed that cutting ties with my mother was the healthiest choice for our family, and it was a decision that I have not regretted. While it still hurts deeply that my mother has not changed for the better, I am grateful for the love and support of my family and friends as I navigate the ups and downs of motherhood.

Disconnected from my own mom

Almost immediately after giving birth, I felt a sense of isolation and loneliness that I had never experienced before. My husband, who was my rock throughout the entire pregnancy, had to return to work just a few days after the birth. I was left alone in our apartment with our new baby, and the reality of our situation hit me like a ton of bricks.

When I reached out to my mother to let her know that I had given birth to her first grandchild, she seemed disinterested and disconnected. I had to beg her to come and visit us, and even then, she only showed up twice. It was as if she was more interested in maintaining her own life than being there for her daughter during one of the most challenging times in her life.

If it weren't for my mother-in-law, who took time off from her own job to come and help me during those early weeks, I would have been entirely alone. I remember feeling so scared and overwhelmed, wondering how I could take care of this tiny human all by myself. I was crying all the time, and I felt like I was failing at being a mother.

Recognizing my postpartum depression

Looking back now, I realize that what I was experiencing was postpartum depression. I didn't know it at the time, but the feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness were all symptoms of this condition. I didn't even know that postpartum depression was a real thing until months later when I finally opened up to my doctor about what I had been going through.

Navigating postpartum depression without my mother by my side was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. It was a time of raw emotions and intense vulnerability, and I felt like I was utterly alone in my struggle. However, I also discovered that there is incredible strength in vulnerability. By reaching out to my husband, my mother-in-law, and my doctor, I got the help and support I needed to get through this difficult time.

Motherhood isn't just about biology

Reflecting on my journey as a new mother without my own mother there to guide me has been a challenging but illuminating experience. I've had to confront the fact that the woman who gave birth to me was not the mother that I needed her to be, and that realization has been painful.

However, I've also discovered that motherhood is not just about biology. It's about love, connection, and the enduring bonds that transcend time and space.

Finding support through PPD

Despite the absence of my mother, I've been able to create my own support network of friends, family, and professionals who have helped me navigate the challenges of postpartum depression. I've also found ways to honor the legacy of the strong women in my family who came before me, including my grandmother and mother-in-law.

To any other new mothers out there who are struggling with postpartum depression without the support of their own mothers, know that you are not alone. It's okay to ask for help, to reach out to others, and to embrace vulnerability. It's through our struggles that we find our strength, and through our vulnerability, we find our way forward.