The Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood

It didn't just suddenly dawn on me that women have never been treated equally. As my mom would paraphrase from an old comic in Spanish, Mafalda, "Las mujeres han jugado un trapo en la historia," loosely translated to, "Women have played a rag in history."

It's not new news that women have been mistreated and made to feel as insignificant as "a rag." I'd be remiss to also mention how many more injustices we face as women of color. Then you add the title of "mother," and all of a sudden, we are already way behind – even before our kids are born.

Expectations based on my own mom

I grew up with an incredibly independent mom, who did everything in her power to make sure my brother and I had everything we needed. She made so many sacrifices, and to this day, we rely on her probably more than we should.

In my opinion, she set the bar exceptionally high, which causes me to feel self-guilt for not living up to those standards. I often wonder how she may feel being on this side of it. Did she think the same thing about my Abuela? Probably.

Trying to live up to unrealistic standards

They say we are our harshest critics, and at times, it can't be truer. Dealing with postpartum depression often makes it unbearable to live up to those standards. The expectations we set for ourselves can often be so unrealistic, but they are so hard to see when we are in it every single day.

It isn't until we allow ourselves to take a beat, and see that some days, most days, we are giving it all we have. Most days with PPD we are living day to day, hour to hour, even moment to moment.

Add societal pressures and we feel like we are doomed. I have compiled a list of things that I know had a huge effect on my PPD and how I have worked to address them.

Stigma surrounding mental health

We have come far in this area. There are people and organizations that are highlighting the stigma and removing barriers to the access of mental health care. However, we still have a long way to go. I am a public health professional by trade. I learned about the importance of taking care of your mental health. I have taught others about the importance of mental health.

Even still, I was afraid of having difficult conversations with my doctor and family because I didn't want to be seen as weak. If I could just hold on a little longer, I would be fine. And I wasn't.

It took intrusive thoughts for me to seek help. Seeking help doesn't make you weak or selfish. It makes you strong because YOU get to decide on the help you need. If you can take care of yourself, you can take better care of others.

Pressure to "bounce back" as a mom after pregnancy

We haven't come far at all in this area. The standards that exist for women who haven't been pregnant are already too much. Add pregnancy – in my case, 2 pregnancies – and I have yet to "bounce back."

I have heard people say, "All you have to do is breastfeed and your body will just go back to the way it was." Or, "Have you tried this very-expensive-but-totally-worth-it product because you will feel like your old self in no time."

We are mothers, we are incredible!

With postpartum depression, it is even harder to "bounce back." I keep saying it in quotations because it feels so hypocritical. After kids, we will never go back. We will never be the same. And I mean that in the most positive way. We created life! We are superhuman and our bodies are incredible!

It took me a while to feel that way, and often I have to remind myself. But I have to stick to the facts. Yes, I have also found a way to fit eating healthy and exercising into my schedule, which helps me physically and emotionally. But most of all, I have accepted this new me. Accepting where I have been to get here, where I am now, and what I want for my future.

Instagram vs. reality

You may have just read the previous paragraph and thought, "Oh wow, she has her s**t together and she figured it out!" But I think part of my problem with social media is we see glimpses of strategically curated content of a person's life.

For some people, by the way, making online content is their job. So they have way more time to do it. Also, I do not have it all figured out. We are all in different stages, and we all are working towards different goals. Depending on the day some of us are just surviving.

Unrealistic expectations weigh us down

In an earlier article, I shared I have limited my social media intake. It has helped me tremendously. I still love to mindlessly scroll through reels and send funny things to family and friends, but I also pay attention to my emotions and reactions to certain content.

We live in a world where it is hard to get information without accessing curated content but try to pay attention to the amount of time and how it makes you feel.

I am still superwoman

Even though, I have to constantly remind myself how far I have come, I know I am worth it. This body gave me 2 beautiful children that completed our family. I am worth every bit of grace and compassion. I am not done yet. And neither are you.