Postpartum Depression... This Doesn't Feel Fair?

During the struggle with postpartum depression (PPD) we are often inundated with so many thoughts and feelings we must wade through to keep our head above water. This round of PPD for me has been an emotional rollercoaster.

One of the ones that keeps crawling its way into my feeling is that of unfairness. While it's not a constant in-my-face emotion, its one that brings me down every single time.

"It's not fair..."

From a very young age we often use the phrase "it's not fair" about someone playing with a toy we want, or someone else being with the guy we like, or we didn’t get that promotion we wanted at work. This feeling can often inject itself into our hearts over all sorts of situations.

If you’re like me, you’ll find that it's often accompanied by the feeling of envy. We want the toy, boy, or job that someone else got instead of us. Struggling with this pair of emotions is hard enough in life, in general, but add it on top of PPD and it becomes all the harder to get past.

Postpartum depression definitely isn't fair

Feelings of unfairness can creep in on me from all different directions when I'm struggling with my postpartum depression.

I might feel that it's unfair that other moms don't suffer like I do with my mental health. I might feel like it's not fair that my partner doesn’t shoulder as much of the child-rearing load as I do. Or I might feel like it’s unfair that I don't have the energy to be the Pinterest mother that others seem to be.

Since having my twins, these feelings typically come when I'm really struggling with having 2 toddlers at one time rather than being lucky enough to only have a singleton like so many other mothers.

Stewing on feelings of resentment

Mentally I tend to stew in the thoughts and feelings of resentment for some length when my PPD is at its worst. It makes me feel even more miserable because I'll continually feel like life itself is unfair.

Why did I have to have twins? Why was I dealt these cards by God when we had only planned on having one more child? Down, down, down my mood and thoughts spiral.

Community helps pull me out of the spiral

As soon as we discovered we were pregnant with twins I joined several Facebook groups looking for knowledge, advice, and support. Thank God I did this. When my feelings spiral out of control, I know that I can go to these groups of women, who are often in similar situations I am in, and either read encouragement or make a post looking for reassurance that everything will be okay.

Knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings will often begin to lift me up out of the spiral. Reading the encouragement from others who are in similar situations will further lift me up. Having that sense of community helps me begin to move past the negative feelings – like my life is unfair – and helps me start seeing the little blessings I have.

Counting my blessings instead

When I'm stuck in the muck of PPD and the unfairness of life starts to blind me, I try to remember to count the good things I do have rather than let myself feel the envy of what I wish I had. This tends reset my mind a bit so that I'm not so focused on what the PPD feelings are trying to trigger in me.

When I begin to think that it's not fair that I had twins rather than another singleton, I look at both the girls and realize that I couldn't go a day without either of them in my life. There's no way I would be able to choose just one of them to have in my life. They are both happy, healthy, and thriving.

This tends to make my mental focus shift more towards the good in my life rather than letting myself stew in those feelings of resentment and envy.

Your feelings are valid, and PPD is tough

I know it might feel like too much right this very moment for you. You might be in the midst of feeling like your life isn't fair. And that's OK.

I'm here to tell you that while your PPD may be playing with your emotions, your thoughts and feelings are still valid. Reach out to your safe people. Try not to bottle up the thoughts and feelings of postpartum depression. Instead, try to release them as you feel them.

Also, try to take a moment and step back from your negative thoughts and feelings and look at what you have from a different perspective. You have so many blessings that you might not even realize what they all are. Sometimes it just takes us that small moment to help us refocus ourselves.