Third Trimester Depression
The third trimester of pregnancy is the one where you're supposed to "relax" and prepare, right?
On one hand, we were looking for a new house, preventing my ability to start nesting, and that caused me much anxiety. On the other, my husband and I took all of the pregnancy classes our local hospital offered, we watched videos online about labor, the birthing process, breastfeeding and pumping, and thought we were as prepared as we could be. (You know, minus being set up for the baby to arrive.)
We had a baby shower to celebrate the milestone of reaching the third trimester with our IVF miracle, and I know that from the outside, everything looked like it should. I looked happy and glowing.
Depression and anxiety in the third trimester
Inside, I was a confused mess. How could I be both happy and grateful as well as depressed and sad? There were days I didn't even know what I was depressed about. There were days I was devastated that our family would be transitioning from my husband and I to us plus a third.
I was scared that I wouldn’t know how to be a new mom, and that I would mess things up from the beginning. There was this voice in the back of my head that worried about every movement I felt from the baby, and every movement I didn't feel from the baby. Was she okay? Was I okay?
Why was I feeling so sad, worried, and depressed?
Depression during the third trimester was harder than I'd anticipated. There was so much to be happy for, and yet, I spent so much of my time sad.
I learned from my psychiatrist that your metabolism changes during pregnancy, and we increased the dose of my antidepressant medication in order to better control my symptoms. I think this helped a lot.
I also opened up more to my therapist – talking about things that I knew logically were irrational, but my depression couldn't help but to worry about. We spent hours talking about things, whether or not they could really happen, so I could essentially identify the worst-case scenario and then walk through how I would handle it.
Leaning on support during the third trimester
As I got closer to my due date, I found that my depression didn't feel as heavy. We moved into a new house when I was 33 weeks pregnant, and my ability to nest brought me comfort and joy. Having everything ready for her arrival physically made me feel so much better.
I was also extremely surprised when my water broke at 35 weeks, 4 days pregnant. We were "ready: for our daughter, but was she ready to come out? I immediately went into panic mode, and called our doula, who spent 45 minutes on the phone calming me down before we headed to the hospital.
If you have experienced depression or panic or anxiety during your third trimester, you're not alone. It was the people around me – my psychiatrist, my therapist, my husband, and my doula – who helped me navigate it.