Postpartum Depression and Marriage: Reigniting the Spark After the Storm

The miracle of life is beautiful, but sometimes, it can be too much for people. Postpartum depression hits hard, like a tidal wave crashing down on them. No wonder new mothers feel sad, anxious, and disinterested in things they once liked.

Experiencing postpartum depression as a couple

As difficult as this time is for any individual, it can strain marriages. When couples lose intimacy, communication, and their connection, in general, they start to drift apart. The key is remembering that you aren't going through this alone.

As a couple, you can work together to rekindle the flame that has gone out during this storm. Take it day by day and don't hesitate to lean on one another for support. Together, you will find your way through postpartum depression and come out stronger than before.

Effects on marriage

Postpartum depression has a persistent and lasting effect not only on the mother but on those surrounding her as well, with one of the most significant impacts being on marriage. I can provide a personal testament to this when my husband and I lived through postpartum depression together.

When it all began, we were sleep-deprived zombies who passed each other in the night. This later turned into a lack of closeness and, eventually, distance between us. My focus strayed from our relationship entirely, which pushed us further apart.

Effects on intimacy

Also, breastfeeding made my sex drive plummet, which birthed more frustration and concern from both sides. It was such an ugly time that could have been avoided if I had tried harder to prioritize our marriage.

Although getting through it was no easy feat, my husband's patience and understanding helped me turn it around. We had to put forth some effort, but once we were able to strike a match again, it lit a flame that brought us closer than ever before.

Sleep deprivation and postpartum depression

As a new mom, you quickly learn that the work doesn't stop. Between feeding and caring for your child every minute of the day, sleeping becomes less and less of a priority. I know it's common for parents to lose sleep but what they don't tell you is that it can be devastating to your emotional health.

Sleep deprivation was a leading cause of my postpartum depression because when moms don't get enough rest, their emotions are all over the place. You'll start to notice that even the most minor tasks seem impossible because of constant mood swings and lack of focus.

Prioritize sleep when you can

But there are ways to find relief in this madness. Reach out to loved ones for support or take advantage of nap time when you can, so you can still get some z's, too.

Prioritizing yourself sounds selfish, but it's the best thing you can do for your baby and your relationship with your partner.

Communicate openly with your partner

Being a woman who has plummeted to the lowest of lows in postpartum depression, I can't stress enough how important it is for mothers to be seen and heard. It's a dark and lonely time that only having the proper support can save you.

The problem is, many partners don't understand what postpartum depression looks like, sounds like, or feels like. That's where communication comes in. New mothers need to open up about their feelings with their partner because there is no room for bottling up emotions when dealing with this.

Dealing with changes in sex and romance

I felt guilty and inadequate about being romantic as a new mom with my husband. Postpartum depression is a powerful force that can be made even worse by the physical changes following birth.

My body changed, and I didn't feel remotely sexy. It wasn't easy to square feeling so un-sexy with being someone's wife. But I know I'm not alone. Many new moms feel this way, too. And it doesn't help that on top of the stress of starting a family, you're also nursing an infant. It's no wonder intimacy takes a back seat.

My mother-in-law swooped in to save the day, offering us quality time together to reignite our spark. It's hard for me to count my blessings because there are so many, but her help is one of them!

Finding new ways to spend quality time together

Being a mother is an exciting and transformative journey. But it's not all sunshine and roses. It can bring about a lot of anxiety and depression. And when it does, your relationship with your partner will undoubtedly take a hit.

So what do you do? You want to give that love the attention it needs, but how?

From my experience, cooking together has been the best way for my husband and I to stay close as we wade through these challenging times. Having life conversations over a glass of wine has done wonders for us. Being honest about our emotions and supporting each other has been vital to staying close. There are even fun apps out there that can help you both reignite the flame as a couple even when you're apart.

The dangers of trying to force intimacy

As a brand new mom, I know all about how hard postpartum depression is. It isn't just the physical exhaustion or the constant worry that keeps you up at night, it's also the battle to feel like yourself again. And for some women and their partners, too, that means struggling with intimacy in their marriage.

I remember feeling broken when my sex drive completely vanished after childbirth. I'd make myself intimate with my partner, and it felt like another chore on my list of things to do. The saddest part about this is that I know I'mm definitely not alone in this.

Postpartum depression recovery takes time

Couples need to understand that recovery from postpartum depression takes patience and time, especially when it comes to revving up your sexy side again.

Instead of being pushy or rushing things, let her find herself again on her own terms – it's almost like she's taking baby steps (pun intended). With some TLC sprinkled here and there, couples can rekindle what they had before postpartum depression took over their lives: love and romance.

Remembering your relationship before postpartum depression came along will help you both realize what's worth fighting for now and forever.